so i woke up this morning after some incredibly strange dreams, and took my hormones and vitamins and such as usual with my favorite snack…slices of pizza with a side of coke.
i didn’t think too much of it, but after scrolling through my dashboard i kind of realized how much my aesthetic ideals have changed.
before hormones, i wanted to look anorexic. i was more the thinspiration and ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ type of person. while now, i’ve adopted more love for soft curves and small boobs (boobs that exist at all, anyways.) at this point, my boobs are noticeable, and my ass has grown as have my hips and other such things.
the hormones have redistributed the fat in my body in a feminine way, and although that’s the point, i didn’t have too much of a choice when it came to how exactly it distributed it.
now this isn’t a bad thing necessarily… i’ve become more ‘healthy’ looking and more like just a woman rather than a stick figure, but it’s just weird to think about.
my goals for my appearance have changed so much in such a short amount of time. i’m not entirely sure that i’m happy about it, but i suppose i’m still growing and changing. i’m also still thin, so it’s not like i’ve gained a lot of weight or anything.
however, i now understand a little better the conflicting image issues many transpeople face.
at this point, i’m happy with my body and my appearance, and every day i’m a little more thankful that i have the body i do. i feel blessed that i have what i have in my life. i’m grateful that i have such good friends, and a supportive family. i’m happy that i have the ability to buy 150$ shoes if i want to, but can hold back on my own.
i’m just genuinely confident, and although a lot of it has to do with the hormones balancing me out emotionally as well as physically… why does it feel like a bad thing?