so i’m laying here right now completely sore, and frankly unwilling to move much. i would take a tylenol, but that’s too far away.

i’ve just been looking through the transgender tag, and admiring all the pretty peoples while reading a few stories and the like.

however… one thing sort of bothered me while reading these things, and always will. i figure this is a better time than any to rant about this because…well, i kind of feel like it, and i’m too physically exhausted to do much else. i understand that you may not like what i have to say, and i apologize if i offend you by saying what i’m about to say, but it kind of needs to be said.

female-to-males, or ftm, or f2m, or transmen, or however you’d like to put it are people who were born with female genitals, but feel as if they were born in the wrong body. in short… it’s the opposite of what i am, but kind of the same in a few ways, i guess. i am a transwoman while they are a transman.

personally, i love transmen. so many of them are just very cool people, and for lack of a better word…so many of them are damn fine. to be honest i think i’m so attracted to them because i focus on, and sort of try to emulate femininity, and am hugely attracted sexually to the masculine. i think it would be weird for me to say i wouldn’t find someone who focuses on the masculine attractive. i’ve spoken about this before. how weird it is for me to be in the position of not knowing how to feel about a transperson i find attractive since i’m usually on the receiving end of these things.

but…one thing always gets me. the transmen who feel like they go through half the shit i have to go through every day just to function or ‘pass’ in any way, shape, or form.

now don’t get me wrong; gender dysphoria is bad all around. the personal issues we go through to become who we feel we are aren’t often easy, or painless. but…there are a lot of transmen who try to bitch about their lives in regards to passing to me, and although i want to listen to them the only thing that comes to mind is to tell them to stop talking.

i mean passing in general is difficult. just think of how hard it is to emulate the opposing genders body type. muscles, fat distribution, voice, body hair…just everything. it’s not easy, especially if you aren’t on hormones.

what pisses me off though is when these transmen try to talk to me about how hard their life is in regards to passing when the testosterone they inject does most if not all of that for them.

when you’re a transman, the testosterone (though mainly effective over time) lowers your voice, makes you grow body hair, helps you buff a hell of a lot easier, causes your skin to change to a more oily consistency, everything. everything that you would need to do to pass….the hormones are going to do it.

obviously the hormones effect everyone differently, and to different degrees, but i digress. as a transwoman, you know what my hormones do?

they give me extremely tiny breasts, lessen the hair i grow a tiny bit, and change the fat distribution in my body. which is funny, because the fat redistribution is a large part of the tiny breasts thing. your skin changes a bit as well. it becomes dryer, which is why the skin feels softer. it thins. there’s also the increased chance of breast cancer, and all that good stuff.

not to mention that women in this world in general have to do a lot. so not only do we as transwomen have to struggle with finding heels that fit, but we have to change our voice on our own time, shave every bit of our body, do our hair/makeup every day, act ‘poised’, look good, and god knows what else. this is all followed mostly by hatred from our male peers because being seen as a woman to so many is seen as degrading. like you’re lessening yourself for going through your transition.

for a transman all of the clothing you could ever want is available. the world in itself caters to men, and women who dress like men or look like men aren’t looked down upon often. in fact, in most cases it’s exactly the opposite.

now on a personal note… for most of this post i’m just bitching because it really does get to me. the audacity that some transmen have to bitch about their problems with passing to transwomen. it really does.

mainly what i’m trying to say here is…being transgender in general is difficult, but you’re telling someone who knows a hell of a lot better about the issue of passing than you do that your aesthetic life is so incredibly hard. you’re basically telling a homeless person how horrible it is that you only get to eat five meals a day.

don’t get me wrong…there is a downside to this. coming out to your family in any way is extremely difficult, and the emotional problems that come from gender dysphoria and transitioning in general kill more than you’d think. there are so many completely separate issues that i empathize with.

a lot of transmen at times also get the confusion from cisgendered people of what the difference is between them and a very masculine lesbian, and for that ignorance i apologize.

but honestly, it’s a lot better than being thought of as a 40-year-old cross-dressing fetishist before you’ve even gotten the chance to tell them who you are.

the bottom line is that as a transman there is a lot of shit that caters to you, and although i feel your pain, and i wish you the best in your transition… and although if you have emotional problems i would be there to help you, please do not bitch about passing to me, or how hard it is for you. ever.