i felt compelled to write this after a few of the messages i have both received as well as answered on my tumblr this past week, and also because of some of the responses to a few of the other things i have stated as of late.
i really do hope that this doesn’t offend anyone, but knowing me, it probably will. so i would like to apologize for this inevitable, and very likely outcome now while i have the chance.
i started transitioning so to speak about two years ago now. although the term transition for many people can at times be debatable i would like to state that i started wearing makeup, women’s clothing, and living in this way two years ago while i was starting school for makeup artistry.
throughout this period i have been in quite a few relationships, moved quite a few times, have gone through various ‘jobs’ (although i went through even more applications), and had various friendships live, and die.
i have had wonderful boyfriends, and horrible ones.
i have had great sex, and horrible sex.
i have seen who really matters, and who doesn’t at all.
and i have failed as well as succeeded.
although there have been a lot of negative experiences in my transition they were negative experiences that anyone has for the most part, or would have if they were in any way similar to myself. generally speaking… it was just life. i feel incredibly blessed that i have had all of the successes i have had as well.
however i cannot stress enough that there were negative experiences, and there were positive experiences.
i feel like a lot of people who choose to transition, or in any way live outside of the gender ‘normality’ don’t realize that there are a lot of horrible things about transitioning as well as the great things, and there are also a lot of people who only realize the horrible things without realizing the great things. it’s a flawed view of the reality that is life.
i mean chances are you are not going to meet your prince charming, and become a little fifties homemaker after a few months of taking hormones. you are not going to find some extremely high paying job that wants you to transition openly, and fights for your right to do so every day. you are not going to have any sort of extreme stability, or extreme understanding from people right away either.
there are obviously a lot of things you need to consider before you do this, but i feel the most important thing to consider is who you are before you do all of this. so many people just think to themselves ‘oh when i am a woman i’ll be treated in this way’, or ‘when i transition i’ll look like this’, or ‘i’ll finally be a woman!!!!’ which to be honest, for me, is the most depressing.
and in that regard… if you need to be on hormones, or if you need to get surgery to be a woman, then chances are you aren’t a woman, or you’ve been raised to think you aren’t which is more damaging than anything else you may be experiencing. for the record, women are more than their looks, and their genitals.
now in no way am i trying to be trannier-than-thou, and in no way am i trying to say that you aren’t a ~*~*true transsexual*~*~ because of these things, or if you don’t experience some of these things, or you know whatever. i’m not saying these things because of that at all.
i’m saying these things because you need to realize now that you are who you are.
not after a year of hormones, and not after you get SRS if you plan to, anyways.
not after your boob job, or after you get married to someone who loves you for you.
you are who you are right now, and that will never change. you will always be that same person on the inside no matter how much you do to the outside.
transgender people need a smack in the face with the reality brick when it comes to this just as much as cisgendered people do. you may get prettier, you may get smarter, you may get better at certain things, and you may become more comfortable with your body over time, but you need to realize now that you were, not to quote a certain trans activist too much, born this way.
if you are female-to-male, you are just a man born with a vagina.
if you are male-to-female, you are just a woman born with a penis.
if you are elephant-to-rabbit, you are just a small animal born with a giant dick.
sadly more often than not no matter how much transwomen will say that they are women it is so often obvious that they themselves don’t even entirely believe that. in the case of transwomen especially there are a lot of men who don’t want anything to do with us, so there’s that whole thing. they see us as a fantasy, or as an object. not as a woman, or as a person.
although this is in many cases what cisgendered women have to deal with as well it is still more commonly something we will have to deal with more regardless of our attractiveness because of the fetishization of transwomen in porn, but yknow.
generally speaking transwomen are used, and thrown away fairly often. they aren’t accepted, and they are not entirely understood by a lot of people. it’s funny because we are a commodity, but that exact thing is what makes us a pariah. in a world full of sexual exploration, repressed sexual desires, and mass amounts of pressure on men to hide themselves it is no wonder that it is the way it is. although the things i’ve stated in no way make it any more acceptable that is still something to consider as well.
and if you are thinking about transitioning, or you are thinking about living a certain way that is not exactly of the norm, you need to realize all of this as well as something else.
it’s not all beautiful dresses, and hot men. it’s not all breasts, and male admiration.
but you know… not everyone will be ignorant, and not everyone will refuse to understand. not everyone will treat you like an object, and not everyone is against you. there are so many people that exist in this world that are accepting of transpeople.
you can have a family.
you can have a great job.
you can become what you have always aspired to be, and you can have everything you’ve always wanted as well.
it may not all be beautiful dresses, and hot men, but there will be beautiful dresses, and there will be hot men.
everything that happens to you whether it be good, or bad, is something you are going to have to go through because of our society today, and no matter how much it may sometimes suck it is all worth it. every step you take in the direction of happiness is another step closer to actually being happy.
it’s all worth it because you’re worth it.
it’s all worth it because it needs to be.
so please. keep that in mind.
it is not all bad, and it is not all good. there is not some generalization you can make about what your life will be, or what it will consist of. no one can guarantee the successes, and failures of their life, and you also can’t generalize, or pretend to know what someone else’s life consists of.
there will be dresses, lust, love, hate, disaster, and self-depreciation.
and that is the reality.