so at the moment i’m somewhat frustrated about the fact that my vintage-style dresses from modcloth have not arrived yet regardless of the “overnight shipping” i paid for, and that prompted me to start thinking about various things that frustrate me because of the need i feel to outlet my anger in some way.
reading a lot of transgender, and male-to-female tagged posts today, along with my frustration with the fashion industries slowing arrival, got me thinking. i started to think about transvestism, and cross-dressing as a whole.
for a long time now the terms transvestite, and crossdresser, have been up for debate. various movies as well as the media will use the terms interchangeably to mean either someone wearing the opposite sex’s societal assigned clothing for various reasons, or to mean that the main reason behind doing so is that of a fetishistic, or sexual nature.
for this post i’m going to use transvestite as the sexual term, and crossdresser as the non-sexual term.
now as someone who does not identify as a feminist, but believes in quite a few of their ideals, i can personally say that i hate transvestism. quite a bit actually.
i’ve dated men who like to wear women’s clothing during sex because it “turns them on”, and in itself i don’t hate the men who do it, and i don’t hold it against them in any way. often times i’ll indulge them because i’m the type of person sexually who likes to please their partner as much as i can. i’m also fairly submissive, but that’s another story.
the reason i hate transvestism, or it’s core anyways, is because of what it’s saying.
men who wear women’s clothing during sex, and get turned on by the "taboo" of it, are often doing so as a degrading or a submissive sexual act. they’re wearing women’s clothing because to them it is degrading to be a woman, or wearing women’s clothing makes them “weaker” or more submissive by default.
it reinforces every single stereotype that exists about women today.
now as i have said, and will say again, the men who i’ve been with who are interested in this sort of thing are often nice guys, and i don’t hold anything against them. i have friends who just think of it as a sexual hobby, and they are also nice people. i am in no way saying that just because someone enjoys this they are a horrible person, or anything as ludicrous as that.
at the same time however it is for that reason that it infuriates me so much.
these people were raised to think in this way.
they were raised with the preconceived notion that women are weaker, women aren’t equal to men, and every other little thing that most guys you think of as assholes actually, and openly believe.
this also worries me because in that sense, no matter how much a guy may respect a woman, in the back of his mind he still thinks that she as a gender is worth less than he is.
it’s funny because in that sense it’s quite easy to understand why the fetishization of transwomen is as rampant as it is, and transmen don’t see it quite as often.
it’s also almost comical in a sense because it doesn’t just cover transwomen. as transwomen we may be defined as “the other white meat”, or seen as something entirely different, but either way the basis of all of this is that, to so many people, we are men who are choosing to be less than men.
now any trans person, any gay person, any queer person, anyone at all who goes through anything similar knows that this isn’t a choice. if you’d like to say anything is a choice at all the only response i can give is that the only choice you make is to either be who you are, and live your life the way you want and need to, or hate yourself for the rest of your life. regardless, the stigma remains the same.
although we as people are all equal, to so many, any male exhibiting behavior that is associated with a female is seen as less of a person because of it.
how degrading an entire gender became a fetish i’m not sure, but it is what it is;
what it is being total bullshit.
with the popularization of pornography as well as the internet, the fantasy that is being “weak” and “feeble” grew exponentially, and the term “trap" went from being a term that just meant a woman who you wouldn’t know had a penis, to being a term for any guy who puts on a pair of panties.
the fantasy started to mix with reality, and transvestism as well as every fetish associated with it has become a lot more common than it used to be.
wearing a dress, acting girly, being feminine, and everything else associated with it have been things the masculine have mocked for quite a long time now, but at the end of the day that’s the reason i hate transvestism. it cements every stereotype, every sexist belief, every feminine wile, and portrays every aspect of being a woman as a degrading or humiliating one, and frankly… i don’t agree with that.
i love my hair in curls, i love dresses, i love flowers, i love makeup, and everything associated with it. i do enjoy what most would classify as feminine, and although in a sense it is the same thing as stereotyping a gender, it should be acceptable because i am celebrating femininity. i also celebrate aspects of masculinity as well.
it shouldn’t be acceptable to celebrate the degradation of femininity or women, or to celebrate the masculine and mock the feminine, but for some reason, it kind of is.
i really hope i haven’t offended anyone with this post, although i probably did, but more so i hope that one day it will be acceptable for me to praise the feminine and the masculine equally.
because right now the only thing acceptable about appreciating femininity is appreciating the objectification of it, and not even that is seen as acceptable to it’s full extent.
to the people who dress in women’s clothing, but don’t do it for a sexual thrill, i would like to say you’re all amazing. crossdressers shouldn’t even be labeled as such because i don’t recall the last time i heard someone call a woman wearing men’s clothing a crossdresser, but still.
some people will take pictures, or wear women’s clothing in the privacy of their home as well because they’re not quite ready to transition, and to those of you who do this i would like to say that i respect you just as much as someone who has gone through their transition. being uneasy or not being ready to transition is not the same as cowardice, and i don’t think anyone who has transitioned is better than anyone else who has or hasn’t. we’ve all been there at one point.
however… i do hope i’m alive to see the day when femininity is seen as strong, and not in any way, shape, or form seen as weak. i hope i’m alive to see the day equivalence is reality, and that transwomen won’t be uneasy about transitioning because expressing feminine qualities means the possibility of threatening their life, or destroying their existence. when everyone in the LGBT community is seen as equal to everyone else.
but chances are, i won’t be.