Anonymous asked: Do the other soldiers in your boyfriends unit know/care that you are trans? You are beautiful btw and he is a lucky man.

a few of them know, the others do not.
the ones that he told don’t really seem to care too much because they’re his friends, and they care about him obviously. it’s not a big deal. he did however say that one of them that he told was, for the first time ever, speechless after finding out ahaha.

they all know of me, and that i am his girlfriend though.

Anonymous asked: If a straight guy is attracted to a transexual girl does that make him gay?

i don’t really think so, but it’s a difficult thing to talk about.

if i were to say that a man being attracted to an unpassable transgender woman were gay because the woman looks more masculine, that would be discrediting her worth, or identity as a woman. if i were to say that a man who only wants a transgender woman for her penis were gay, that would be giving claim to genitalia’s sole significance to sexuality, etcetera.

honestly i don’t think that a man is homosexual for it by any means.
i think that sexuality, although defined as having sex with the same-sex and that’s it, isn’t really that simple. if anything i think your sexual orientation is geared towards someone’s gender.

i.e., a man attracted to a woman is straight.
a man attracted to a man is gay.
a woman attracted to a woman is a lesbian, etc

Recently I was discussing the problems transgender people face in society with my boyfriend, and why a lot of transgender women resort to working in the sex industry to provide for themselves, and fund their transitions. 

The catalyst for this was a confrontation I had with a trans friend who was stating that transgender people who have to resort to that are making bad life decisions even though they may have no other choice, and was crucifying those girls who were forced into this life because of the society they live in.

I was sort of shocked initially because for me, this is a personal matter. Not only do I know a lot of transgender women who have worked as escorts, or work in the sex industry, but I work as a camgirl. My personal feelings caused me to see this somewhat as an attack, but I tried to shove them down long enough to understand a different point of view than my own.

Throughout discussing things with him though, a variety of misconceptions came up. Although I don’t like to use labels such as cisgender and all of that all too often, I feel that in this specific instance it’s necessary to convey a point; my white, cisgender, heterosexual, and heteronormative lover failed to see that the America that he lives in is not the same one that I live in. It wasn’t by his own fault, either.

After discussing the discrimination transgender people face while highlighting the actions transgender people have attempted to do to fight for our rights, things started to piece together for him, and also for me.

In about the last 10 years in America, he could only find one documented case of a transgender person suing a corporation for discrimination, and actually winning. It has been reported that 90% of transgender people who have come out have faced discrimination in the workplace. Transgender people are unemployed at a 200% higher rate in relation to cisgender people, etcetera…..

This boils down to a few things. The fact that transgender people as a whole are not being adequately represented in the media, the media’s lack of actually wanting to take advocates seriously, and a general lack of healthcare provisions for transgender people seeking treatment.

All of this really bothers me because it highlights one very important thing that has always bothered me:

Transgender people most often aren’t taken seriously in regards to activistism groups, and as individuals because passable transgender people don’t want to come out, become activists, or reveal their past because there’s no reason for them to do so. The majority of transgender women for example that become activists are unpassable, and become activists because they face discrimination that passable transgender women no longer face daily. Transgender people who pass don’t see a reason to fight for change because they have been assimilated into a life where they no longer have to face said discrimination.

Now being transgender isn’t limited to people who are either hypermasculine, or hyperfeminine. Being passable, and attractive as the gender you’re physically transitioning into is a goal, and a hope, but not a necessity, or confirmation as to who you are. Personality traits as well as interests, and aesthetics are different for everyone.

That being said, since transgender women are more often the ones who do not pass without extensive work/general effort, and they’re also the ones who make up the majority of transgender activists, it’s no surprise that the media uses unpassable transwomen to fuel the agenda that we’re all just freaks with something wrong with us. They refuse to take us seriously because the people representing us in their eyes wouldn’t be perceived as women, and thus wouldn’t know what they’re talking about.

“That thing doesn’t even look like a woman. How could it be one?”
“You expect me to believe that just because he put on a dress, he’s a woman now?”

Generally this concept is disgusting at best, but I digress. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of ways that transgender people can offer transparency without sacrificing themselves, or their individual safety, but have come up blank.

I keep trying to tell myself that every major group that has been discriminated against has had to sacrifice things to offer progress, and gain rights. At the end of the day though it’s a problem that can’t easily be solved because once you’ve gained the ability to be passable, divulging your sex is almost entirely unnecessary.

As a transgender person you don’t have the luxury of hiding for all that long before you decide to transition, and it’s also not as easy as you might think to hide your past. To actually be able to do much of anything you would have had to transition young, work your ass off, be passable in most every way, and become a fairly successful person. At which point to enact change you would then have to come out, and face discrimination from a large amount of people anyways. Throwing everything you worked for out the window.

Even negating the thought of similar consequences, the pre-requisites you would have to reach to even get to that point, as well as the general amount of transgender people that exist, the amount of people who can actually do much for positive change is a fairly low one.

It’s all just bullshit.

I understand that no one that has sacrificed that much, and worked that hard would want to come out as a transgender woman because of the stereotypes that exist about us. You wouldn’t want to transition into a beautiful woman, and then after it’s all said and done, be seen as a tranny. At the same time though, I can’t see any other way to actually do anything.

It may be true that you will always be transgender, but that’s just personal acceptance. I’m honestly starting to lose hope. My boyfriend who is a soldier, who defends and loves his country is horrified by this, and is in about the same position as I am. 

If you really think about it, it’s easy to see why we’re treated the way we are.

one standard of beauty does not exist.

one form of a woman does not exist.
one form of a man does not exist.

in the world that is aesthetics, beauty is subjective.

if you do not see yourself as beautiful because of the visions around you, that is your own fault. if you do not accept, or love yourself for who you are, that is your own fault. accept your faults, as well as your assets.

love yourself, and the way you look.
love who you are because you are great.
you are worth it.

do not blame other people for the lack of love you have for yourself. do not blame other people for the gifts you were not given.

confidence is not a new dress. 
it is not an expensive tube of lipstick, and it is not a haircut. 

confidence is not beauty.
it is not plastic surgery, and it is not other people’s acceptance.

confidence is not a relationship.
it is not a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or anything in between.

if you don’t already believe, and accept these things, you will end up miserable, and it will be no one’s fault other than your own.

love yourself when no one else does.
love yourself when everyone does.

grant yourself the ability to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.