Recently I was discussing the problems transgender people face in society with my boyfriend, and why a lot of transgender women resort to working in the sex industry to provide for themselves, and fund their transitions.
The catalyst for this was a confrontation I had with a trans friend who was stating that transgender people who have to resort to that are making bad life decisions even though they may have no other choice, and was crucifying those girls who were forced into this life because of the society they live in.
I was sort of shocked initially because for me, this is a personal matter. Not only do I know a lot of transgender women who have worked as escorts, or work in the sex industry, but I work as a camgirl. My personal feelings caused me to see this somewhat as an attack, but I tried to shove them down long enough to understand a different point of view than my own.
Throughout discussing things with him though, a variety of misconceptions came up. Although I don’t like to use labels such as cisgender and all of that all too often, I feel that in this specific instance it’s necessary to convey a point; my white, cisgender, heterosexual, and heteronormative lover failed to see that the America that he lives in is not the same one that I live in. It wasn’t by his own fault, either.
After discussing the discrimination transgender people face while highlighting the actions transgender people have attempted to do to fight for our rights, things started to piece together for him, and also for me.
In about the last 10 years in America, he could only find one documented case of a transgender person suing a corporation for discrimination, and actually winning. It has been reported that 90% of transgender people who have come out have faced discrimination in the workplace. Transgender people are unemployed at a 200% higher rate in relation to cisgender people, etcetera…..
This boils down to a few things. The fact that transgender people as a whole are not being adequately represented in the media, the media’s lack of actually wanting to take advocates seriously, and a general lack of healthcare provisions for transgender people seeking treatment.
All of this really bothers me because it highlights one very important thing that has always bothered me:
Transgender people most often aren’t taken seriously in regards to activistism groups, and as individuals because passable transgender people don’t want to come out, become activists, or reveal their past because there’s no reason for them to do so. The majority of transgender women for example that become activists are unpassable, and become activists because they face discrimination that passable transgender women no longer face daily. Transgender people who pass don’t see a reason to fight for change because they have been assimilated into a life where they no longer have to face said discrimination.
Now being transgender isn’t limited to people who are either hypermasculine, or hyperfeminine. Being passable, and attractive as the gender you’re physically transitioning into is a goal, and a hope, but not a necessity, or confirmation as to who you are. Personality traits as well as interests, and aesthetics are different for everyone.
That being said, since transgender women are more often the ones who do not pass without extensive work/general effort, and they’re also the ones who make up the majority of transgender activists, it’s no surprise that the media uses unpassable transwomen to fuel the agenda that we’re all just freaks with something wrong with us. They refuse to take us seriously because the people representing us in their eyes wouldn’t be perceived as women, and thus wouldn’t know what they’re talking about.
“That thing doesn’t even look like a woman. How could it be one?”
“You expect me to believe that just because he put on a dress, he’s a woman now?”
Generally this concept is disgusting at best, but I digress. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of ways that transgender people can offer transparency without sacrificing themselves, or their individual safety, but have come up blank.
I keep trying to tell myself that every major group that has been discriminated against has had to sacrifice things to offer progress, and gain rights. At the end of the day though it’s a problem that can’t easily be solved because once you’ve gained the ability to be passable, divulging your sex is almost entirely unnecessary.
As a transgender person you don’t have the luxury of hiding for all that long before you decide to transition, and it’s also not as easy as you might think to hide your past. To actually be able to do much of anything you would have had to transition young, work your ass off, be passable in most every way, and become a fairly successful person. At which point to enact change you would then have to come out, and face discrimination from a large amount of people anyways. Throwing everything you worked for out the window.
Even negating the thought of similar consequences, the pre-requisites you would have to reach to even get to that point, as well as the general amount of transgender people that exist, the amount of people who can actually do much for positive change is a fairly low one.
It’s all just bullshit.
I understand that no one that has sacrificed that much, and worked that hard would want to come out as a transgender woman because of the stereotypes that exist about us. You wouldn’t want to transition into a beautiful woman, and then after it’s all said and done, be seen as a tranny. At the same time though, I can’t see any other way to actually do anything.
It may be true that you will always be transgender, but that’s just personal acceptance. I’m honestly starting to lose hope. My boyfriend who is a soldier, who defends and loves his country is horrified by this, and is in about the same position as I am.
If you really think about it, it’s easy to see why we’re treated the way we are.
one standard of beauty does not exist.
one form of a woman does not exist.
one form of a man does not exist.
in the world that is aesthetics, beauty is subjective.
if you do not see yourself as beautiful because of the visions around you, that is your own fault. if you do not accept, or love yourself for who you are, that is your own fault. accept your faults, as well as your assets.
love yourself, and the way you look.
love who you are because you are great.
you are worth it.
do not blame other people for the lack of love you have for yourself. do not blame other people for the gifts you were not given.
confidence is not a new dress.
it is not an expensive tube of lipstick, and it is not a haircut.
confidence is not beauty.
it is not plastic surgery, and it is not other people’s acceptance.
confidence is not a relationship.
it is not a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or anything in between.
if you don’t already believe, and accept these things, you will end up miserable, and it will be no one’s fault other than your own.
love yourself when no one else does.
love yourself when everyone does.
grant yourself the ability to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
i would just like to say to all of the autogynephiles, transvestites, sissys, pantyboys, and other like-minded identifying people that i as a transgender woman do not consider myself the same as you, and i do not appreciate your bullshit attempts at trying to talk to me because i “know what you’re going through.”
my transition is not a fetish, nor is my transition sexually arousing to me.
i am not seeking out the medication, treatments, surgery, and life that i live because i like being a “sissy”, “humiliated”, a “slut” or anything else of that nature.
stop fucking messaging me trying to be bffs on the basis that we are somehow leading similar lives. we are not.
i am a very open-minded person, and probably one of the most accepting people that i know. however, that all goes out the window the moment you compare what i do, what i live with, how i live it, and the process by which it happens to anything that you go through.
i did not dance around in panties in my room hiding away from the world my “humiliation” whilst getting a hard-on. i did not get “sissified”, or put on striped socks to get men to use me “like the slut that i am.” my identification as a woman is not to be compared, nor is it to be synonymous with the terms “submissive”, “weak”, “powerless”, or “demeaning”.
the reasons that i live my life in the way that i do are not in any way, shape, or form the same reasons as to why you like to shave your legs, and wear panties/stockings underneath your pants.
to all of the people who may identify as to what i’ve listed above, i would like to state that i do accept your fetishes, or choices in life in regards to such as is. it is not my place to tell you what to do, or how to do it, and by all means if it gets you off then good for you.
i am, however, done with the idiotic connotation that because i was born a male, and have transitioned to female, i am somehow alike to you and your fetishes.
i do not see being a woman as demeaning.
i do not see myself as humiliating.
i do not see myself as anything derogatory.
the next time that one of you tries to imply any of the above, i’m going to sternly, but politely suggest that you burn in hell.
thank you, and have a lovely evening.